How to Survive Online Dating

How to Be Happy

1.       Go on a seven day cruise to Alaska right before your fourteenth birthday.

2.       Notice a cute boy wearing a backwards Florida ‘Gators baseball cap several times, but you don’t get up the courage to talk to him.  You are timid and not very good at approaching people.

3.       On the second to last full day on the ship, coincidentally the day before your birthday, sit by the indoor pool and read a Sidney Sheldon novel. Look up from your book and see the boy in the backwards baseball cap talking to a waiter.

4.       The waiter says something to him and the Florida ‘Gators boy smiles. The instant you see him smile, your heart stops. Go weak in the knees. Your pulse starts to race.  Experience every possible cliché of falling in love in a matter of seconds.

5.       Realize that the boy is walking away. Start arguing with yourself about whether or not you should go after him. You know this is your last chance, but are you brave enough to take it?

6.       Your body makes the decision for you. While your mind is still in a heated argument with itself, your body jumps up, grabs your book and runs after him.

7.       You trail him through the giant cruise ship but are separated and waylaid by too many people. Lose sight of him. Decide to go to the Teen Room on the off chance that he will be there.

8.       He’s there. Walk right up to him and introduce yourself. A conversation is started.

9.       Observe that his eyes are the beautiful clear blue-green color of the ocean surrounding the Greek islands. You went to Greece two years earlier, so you know this for a fact.

10.   Reveal all sorts of personal information about yourself because the Florida ‘Gators boy is so easy to talk to. Tell him about the depression you’ve been experiencing for the past several years. Discover that he is a positive person who truly believes that life is worth living.

11.   Have a scintillating time in the Jacuzzi with him and his friends. You can’t believe your good luck.

12.   Spend the entire day with him. You like him more and more. When bedtime rolls around, say good-night. He puts his hand up and you high-five him, after which he grasps your hand in his in a friendly gesture. Feel like swooning.

13.   Wake up on your fourteenth birthday. Feel thrilled that you have a whole day with Florida ‘Gators boy ahead of you.

14.   Spend the entire day with him and his friends. Realize that you are happier than you have ever been in your life.

15.   That night, take a ton of pictures with him and his friends. You and the other girls take turns sitting on his lap. Sit on the lap of the Florida ‘Gators boy and have your picture taken.

16.   Congratulations. You have now reached happiness.

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